So, Monday 23rd May, week seven progress…………….
You may have noticed that there was no week 6, that’s because there was just nothing ‘positive’ to write about. After my knees started to play up I just seemed to give up on my Muffin Top Challenge. I’ve had zero motivation to exercise and turned to eating to excess.
Setting my own goals has not worked, it’s time to examine the reasons for my weight gain and my ‘bi-polar’ type approach to healthy eating and exercise.
Here are my ‘wants’:
1. to lose my flabby bits, especially my muffin-top.
2. to look good in photos.
3. to feel confident and sexy naked/in underwear/in my swimming costume.
4. to wear more fitting and less baggy clothes with confidence.
5. to have more energy and drive.
6. to be in control of what I eat and drink, rather than food and alcohol being in control of me.
My weight history:
As a child I was very active and ate well. I enjoyed food and loved experimenting with new tastes. I would always clear my plate and was able to snack without any concern. In my teens I would eat a massive bowl of cereal just before bed, the bowl would be topped high to overflowing. However, I was really into my sport, (netball, athletics etc) all of which I was very good at. I also cycled everywhere, so there was no chance for the weight to pile on, as I was never still for long enough!
At about the age of 14 I started binge-drinking alcohol at the weekends, always making sure I drank the most out of all my friends. This drinking ‘competition’ continued late on into my 20’s. People would comment in amazement at how much I ate without gaining weight. I could finish my second and thirds and easily drink the biggest blokes under the table. I was somewhat proud I could do this and gain the attention from others. I was occasionally running but not competitively and I played netball once or twice a week. I was attractive, a toned size 10 weighing 8½ stone.
At 26, I experienced a ‘trauma’ in my life which meant I wasn’t interested in and didn’t have time for food. My diet consisted of a little food when I could grab it and a lot of alcohol, which I was using as a crutch. It was when I met my husband and started to get over my ‘trauma’ that my connection with food and happiness began. My fiancé and I indulged in alcohol and take-aways or eating out most evenings. I stopped taking part in sports, as I wanted to spend as much time with my new fella as possible. The food and drink was fantastic and so was the time we spent together, Jez enjoyed his food as much as I did and we ended up overweight and in debt, as we spent so much money on this ‘activity’. I guess I connected foods with a time of ‘improved happiness’ in my life, it was a comfort and really enjoyable, but the weight piled on unlike when I was younger. I realised I needed to lose some weight when Jez introduced me to a friend who thought I was pregnant! So, in an attempt to change my appearance for the better and tone up for our wedding I started netball, half-heartedly and did a work out video, I did look pretty good although I was not the slim, trim blonde I was a few years beforehand.
Then came my first pregnancy, after giving birth the weight dropped off fairly well. When I fell pregnant again I developed a sweet tooth and put on so much weight, I indulged in so much ice-cream and chocolate every night. After giving birth I was unable to shift the weight, I’d never thought I could look so dreadful, my stomach is disgustingly flabby, I’m heavy, lethargic and always hungry.
The fatter I get the more reluctant I am to do anything about it which is really odd. I think the reasons for this are:
- Arrogance – I think that I’m still fairly attractive with the right make-up, hair style and body control underwear.
- I’m past it – I seem to think that there is a time in life when women just seem to ‘let themselves go’ and I’ve reached it. I’ve no time to exercise and count calories, there are more important things I need to be doing.
- Pretty fatties – Large people, such as Dawn French are fat and happy, they are funny and attractive. Men like curves, not stick insects. However, just having a pretty face doesn’t mean you are able to avoid the health risks associated with being overweight.
- Laziness – I have no energy to take care about my food. I have even less energy to do exercise. I feel permanently exhausted and need a nap within a couple of hours of waking. It’s easier to sit and enjoy a big bowl of cereal.
- Lack of faith – what if God answers my prayers to stop snacking and drinking alcohol – how will I cope without these things!? And even though I know it’s in His strength and not mine I still think I’ll crave my cake at Oasis, or my wine in the evenings – what little faith!
God has an interest in every aspect of our lives, including how we look after the bodies he has given us.
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 1 Corinthians 6 v19-20
Here are some of the lies the Devil uses to deceive me:
I am curvy, most Mothers have a muffin top – no actually I am fat.
I have a bubbly personality – no I don’t, I am much grumpier now I’m fat.
I am still attractive – really? To whom? My husband isn’t a weirdo chubby-chaser.
Big knickers are comfy – little lacy thongs are for the sexually deprived, big knickers cut in, look hideous and actually I’d love to wear a pair of those lacy ones.
There is something wrong with my thyroid – no there isn’t.
At least I’m not some neurotic, brittle, stick insect, take me out for lunch and I eat! – True but you don’t have to look like Posh Spice OR Vanessa Phelps, there is a middle-way.
Why do I eat too much?
Because I’m unhappy – I ate because I was feeling low, because it rained, because the children were hard work, because my hair wouldn’t do what I want it to, I ate because I felt sad.
Because I am happy – Food is a celebration, it’s associated with good times and parties, it’s central to certain cultures. This is true but food doesn’t reinforce the happy feeling.
Because it’s a habit – like smoking or biting nails eating is a reaction. Got 10 mins spare then what can I eat?
Because I’m bored – fatal if you’re a stay-at-home mum, toast at breakfast, more over coffee, more while on hold on the phone, more while I text or flick through the diary.
Because I’m already fat – OK, I know I’m not hungry and just ate a big dinner, but I could pop into the kitchen and find something to pick at, I know it’ll make me fat, but I’m already fat so it won’t make a huge amount of difference. Blimey, I’ve put on so much weight, it’s grim but now isn’t the time to diet, it’s always best to start afresh when I feel in the mood (are you ever in the mood to start?)
Because I believe the crap I’m told – chocolate bars are a wonderful way to reward yourself and we are told cakes and wine are sinful or naughty, so I immediately find them more desirable – idiot!
Because I’m greedy – my body has been messed about so much it doesn’t know when it’s full. I am not big-boned or well-built, I wasn’t born like this, I got fat….but I CAN get unfat.
Things for me to REMEMBER:
If I’m feeling sad, eating doesn’t make me happy!
If I’m feeling happy, eating doesn’t make me happier!
Eating isn’t a habit, I have a choice!
Eating doesn’t alleviate boredom it actually makes me feel tired and bored!
The ‘Oh, sod it’ attitude won’t make me thin, it’ll make me fatter!
I am not going to starve, if I overeat I’ll simply be punishing myself!
I am going to re-launch my Muffin Top Challenge, starting with Week 1. I’ve identified my wants, my reasons for over eating, my weight history, my thoughts, the Devil’s lies, the things to remember. So Week 1 here we come…….